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Why do we feel the need to show no emotion nowadays?

By Luisanna Castillo – February 23rd, 2025

We’ve all felt or been called “too sensitive” at some point, whether it was for crying while watching a movie, crying out of empathy for another person, or crying because someone made a hurtful comment. But are we really too sensitive? Or people just don’t understand why we feel deeper?

There is a reason behind why we sensitive people feel the way we feel compared to others. That might be trauma issues, parenting style, toxic environment growing up as a child, etc. But that does not excuse someone from making a hurtful comment, you getting upset, and then that person saying you’re just “too sensitive”, when they don’t really understand why.

Science Behind It

If your feelings seem deeper and more intense than others, it’s because they are and there is nothing wrong with it, in fact it’s science. First of all we’re not talking about mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, etc. It’s more about feeling deeply on a daily basis, being a highly sensitive person.

Psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron describes highly sensitive individuals as people who process sensory input more deeply than the average person. In fact, 20% of the population is thought to have this trait, which again, it might not be a big deal for everyone, but it is for us. Highly sensitive people have a very intense reaction when it comes to social cues, which is why they are way more empathetic than the average person. They get overwhelmed by loud environments, take jokes quite personal, and notice details others often miss. It could be genetics or from life experiences, but it is definitely not a flaw, just a different way of experiencing the world. It can sure be overwhelming (coming from someone who is highly sensitive), but it can bring creativity and intuition to situations. The best way to manage it is to be self aware and learn how to navigate it without getting overwhelmed.

Negative Emotions and Feelings

As much as positive emotions are great, negative ones can be overwhelming. This is not just sadness or stress—it’s a full body experience. An argument can play in your mind for days, you can think of ways you should’ve acted in the moment, a bad joke can affect you so negatively, even someone else’s bad mood can feel like your own. Sensitive people also absorb energy, which you might find weird to hear but it’s true. They pick on unspoken tensions, voice tones, and certain reactions from people, which leads to them feeling hurt without even knowing why. As we might’ve heard, sensitive people overthink a lot and not in a normal way, it creates such a negative environment in which they’re not allowing themselves to make mistakes and understand their behaviour but to replay the situation again and again until they’re in an emotional hole. The worst part? Many highly sensitive people feel misunderstood because their emotions feel too much for others, so they bottle things up or struggle to express their feelings in a way that feels hear. You might say ‘wow must be awful being a highly sensitive person’ but wait up.

Positive Emotions and Feelings

Being a highly sensitive person comes with its perks, but one of the good ones is feeling positive emotions and feelings deeply and learn to appreciate moments in a rich and special way. Emotions such as joy and love hit different because our brains are wired for deeper emotional processing. A simple song, a heartful conversation with a friend, for some people having a solo date can feel almost euphoric. We’re also more likely to feel strong gratitude, empathy and emotional highs, another reason for us to be either really happy and hyper or really sad. The depth of our emotions can be intense but it also makes us feel full of beauty, and how great is that. I like to say every now and then that if someone says you are “cringe” or “you’re making a fool of yourself” is because they’re not satisfied with their own life, and thank god you’re happier than them to just absorb every single thing in the moment and have fun.

Healthy Emotional Regulation

There are many ways on how highly sensitive people can learn how to live like this, and healthy regulation is one of them. This doesn’t mean they learn to feel less—it’s about managing the intensity of their emotions in a way that feels healthy. Emotions can feel like a storm but breaking them down helps. You could frame your emotions in a different way so you manage the situation differently. Say you felt misunderstood in a conversation, instead of saying “No one listened to me” try changing to “Maybe I need a different space or person to share this with”, this way works better and makes you feel less guilty, sometimes we are just with the wrong people, people that might not want to talk about the topics you like but they don’t and that is not your fault. Replaying situations is a common thing for highly sensitive people, when that happens there are some techniques to practice that could help:

1. Deep breathing (practicing breathing techniques helps you to regulate your emotions and think instead of having a negative reaction in a situation)
2. Journaling (I dare to say journaling is one of the best techniques that have ever existed. Some people find it hard to just write your feelings on a piece of paper but when you get used to it and try it a few times, it actually feels a weight off your shoulders. This technique helps a lot with spiraling thoughts when your mind is all over the place)

Being highly sensitive is a gift, especially when it comes to empathy. I would not be able to tell you the amount of times I have done things for people out of empathy and I am not saying this to show off that I am such a kind person (which I actually am :D), but to explain why sensitive people have more empathy for others. Science explains that sensitive people are more empathetic because they’ve been through situations they don’t want other people to go through, one example growing up in an unhealthy environment or suffering trauma as a kid, so they want to make people as happy and comfortable as they want, not for the sake of being liked but for the satisfaction they will feel after.

How Society Views Sensitive People

For such a long time, sensitivity was seen as a weakness, to this day still. Being deeply emotional was dismissed as being dramatic or overreacting, there’s been a shift lately I must say. Society has realised that being sensitive isn’t a flaw, it is just another way of experiencing life. It does not mean is always easy.

In a society that values efficiency, highly sensitive people can still feel the need to hide. Social media, fast-paced lifestyles and the pressure to always be productive can make sensitive people feel out of place, like we need to be tougher to be taken seriously. There is a recognition for sensitive recently though, people are starting to appreciate that sensitivity beings creativity to environments. Mental health conversations have also made it clearer that processing things deeply doesn’t mean someone is weak, it just means they’re human. Although sensitive people are slowly being seen as positive matter, the world will always have different perspectives. A culture that prioritises “just get over it” or “it was just a joke” can feel exhausting (I’ve been there). But instead of focusing how a taboo it is to talk about sensitive people, the focus can go to navigating life on their own terms by setting boundaries and finding spaced that they actually feel valued.

Instead of seeing emotions as a burden, embrace them as part of who you are, that’s how I’ve learned to live with it. Relationships are richer and life has more meaning for us, and that does not make us weaker but more deeply connected, more aware, and more in tune with what truly matters.

Hope you liked my ted talk today. Let’s keep being logically lost 🙂